Frustration.

I slaved on a banner for this blog. For 2 1/2 hours. Did it work? Of course not. Hence another background because honestly I can't find something that makes me happy. And when I tried to design one of my own it was too big, too little, didn't center, or just hated my guts in general.
I pray on someone who can do magic on my blog and make it glorious.
The end.

I stink at this game.

So watch the one thats at the bottom first and then the top one cause thats the order they were recorded in. But honestly? If you didn't it probably won't make a difference and my feelings won't be hurt. 

I just chose to do a video blog to switch things up a little. Oh yeah, and I stink at this game. 

Decisions, Decisions.

The big purse or the clutch?

The pointed or squared shoes?

The silver or red top?
This school or that?
This party or that one?

Let's face it. Decisions are hard to make in the first place (At least for me) but wait till you have to pick between two or three amazing options and only pick one. Now THAT is the pits.

When I'm in the store and I have to pick between 2 colors or 2 styles, if I feel greedy and obnoxiously foolish I'll just buy both. But there are many times in life when we can't just 'pick both'....it's got to be one or the other. But sometimes decisions are huge, life-changing. It's way more than picking a color. It affects when we graduate, the experiences we have, the people we meet, the way we view the world around us. Sometimes, it's a BIG deal.

Of course it would suuuper nice to have neon signs in the sky or maybe even those real angels on your shoulders to at least help you sort your thoughts. Unfortunately, our fairy god mothers don't come in bubbles to lead us, or in pumpkin carriages to take us away.

Maybe it's a good thing that some decisions are hard to make. It helps us choose who we want to be and get the chance to change who we might have been. Besides, a pumpkin carriage would rot after a while....

Sometimes I guess there isn't a right or wrong decision. You just have to be able to live with it. And I guess in that case it takes some faith to know that God will lead and help make the best of the decision you choose, unless of course it's reckless...in which case...well, obviously we live with our consequences, but you know what? God is gracious to us--even then.

You've Got the Nerves.

This week I had to teach a lesson in the classroom, 

Audition for a part in a pageant play, 

and interview for a job next fall. 

(well the interview thing is in about an hour)

And let me tell you....I've got nerves. 

For me, my nerves show in sweaty palms, that wonderful feeling of nausea, and frequent visits to the restroom. I cannot think or make important decisions, like what to wear, when I am nervous. The MINUTE I saw that I had an interview today, my stomach did an Olympic games flip, worthy of the gold medal I assure you. 
Sometimes I forget to breathe and I find myself doing these nervous quirky things like play with the lose string I managed to find on my shirt, or folding a paper up a trillion and one times. But in my moment-full (and week-FULL) event of being nervous I find myself turning to God. And this is what He says: 

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell Me what you need, and thank Me for all I have done for you". --Philippians 4:6,7

(Paraphrase by myself) 

Be thankful for what He has done....which should be easy since this is my month for being thankful. :) Score. Well, I'm thankful for this opportunity--for these MANY opportunities. I have the chance to go to school and have an amazing career lined up. I have talent that allows me to be in front of people and share my story through drama and acting. And now, I have this chance to be a leader and have another job for next school year. 

Thank you Lord, for what you have done. 

I've got the nerves. You got the nerves. What will you choose to do with them? 

Dance to your Dreams

"Hey you, what’s a good girl like you
Doin’ in this crazy world, where’s the good gone girl?
Dance, dance to the life you wanted when you were only seventeen, with a good girl dream." --MIKA, Good Gone Girl

I love dancing. Sometimes I don’t think I’m very good at it, and other times I feel like I catch on very quickly, but I love dance in nearly every form. It’s refreshing, exciting….I’m a stinker for those dance movies (you know the ones that make you wanna be a dance afterwards?) and I love going to dance class any time that I can.

But what kind of life did I want when I was 17 before I commit to dancing to it?

All I can remember is that I was dating my first boyfriend and that I was a junior in high school. I don’t really remember any dreams or ambitions I had during that time. Nothing that seems worthy enough to make a life dancing playlist for.

However, I don’t think that means that I don’t have a reason to dance. Believe me, my head is filled with enough dreams.

But I’m a little scared to dance. For all the love I have of dancing, I’m always a little nervous and scared, especially to try something new, that I am not sure I can master.

I’m scared to dance to my dreams. They are kinda wild. Kinda ambitious. They seem much safer inside my head. I mostly don’t believe these dreams belong to me. The music of my dreams is a tune I’m scared to dance to: I’m too shy and reserved to want to save people in Malawi or to want to travel to travel the world alone. I don’t think I’m actually a good enough painter, or actor, singer, artist, the list goes on and on. What if I try those dreams out and look like a fool? What if I try dancing and I trip and fall?

So what do I do with music that awakens my heart and stirs me to dance? What do I do with dreams that make me thirst for adventure and go?

I wonder what I’m doing in this crazy world. But I know that I want to dance to the life I want before it’s over. 

These are a few of my favorite things.

A few days ago I lost my little pages that I had been recording the things I am thankful for everyday....and I assure you that I was furious and almost a little bit crazy. But then I found the pages, and all was well once again. 


But I kinda chuckled at myself. Like "Whoa Rachel, just chill out. Why are those little pages so important anyways?" Why were they so important? Anywho, I found my little pages and I thought I'd share a few of my favorite things that I have been thankful for: 

Good discussion with an unexpected friend.

I love that girl. And we had the most perfect talk at the most perfect time. And I was way thankful for that. :) 

Productive days. 

I actually have been thankful for that in some sort of way several times, so I feel like thats important to me. To be efficient and successful in a day is a wonderful thing. 

Music. 

Thus far in my life I never felt like music was in my veins like a lot of musically inclined people. But for some reason, it has played a huge part in my life recently. And I love it. 

Tears.  

I was thankful for tears. I know, so lame. But seriously, it is healthy to cry every once in a while. I saw someone close to me cry and it was a really tender moment. And I'm thankful I was able to share it with them.

Professors and Mentors. 

These were actually two different people and on two different days, but boy was I thankful for them. One of them helped me sort my life and tell me that I am graduating in Ma 2012!! And the other person really just calmed my fears and gave me new strength. 

Also, I made a journal! I was so excited about it! It's called a Coptic Stitch journal and its really B.A. When I get a free minute I will transfer all the things I was thankful for into that book (because now they are on like napkins, receipts, and basically any random piece of paper I can find). 

Here it is!!!!!!!!!! It was really time consuming but I loved every minute of it. Here are the instructions I used to make it. 

http://www.booklyn.org/education/coptic.pdf