A Picture of Creation

Up from the bed of the river

God scooped the clay:

And by the bank of the river

He kneeled Him down:

And there the great God almighty

Who lit the sun and fixed it in the sky,

Who flung the stars to the most far corner of the night,

Who rounded the earth in the middle of His hand;

This Great God,

Like a mammy bending over her baby, kneeled

down in the dust

Toiling over a lump of clay

Till He shaped it in His own image;

Then into it He blew the breath of life,

And man became a living soul.

Amen. Amen.

James Weldon Johnson

A Little Commercial.

My mom has been sewing since I can remember. She made me all KINDS of things. Dolls, dresses, dresses for my dolls, lol. The list goes on and on. She FINALLY has her own Etsy account where she can sell all her handmade stuff. If you like it or know of someone who might, spread the word!

This is her "minnie" inspired apron for the little helper around the kitchen. $12.00 on Etsy!!! 

SewBella4U -- Hand-sewn little treasures!

5 things I am thankful for.

Due to a very wet and rainy Tennessee, plus a truck load of overwhelming homework, 20 hour work weeks, and juggling a boyfriend and girlfriends, I am a very exhausted, very cranky Rachel.

I decided that I do not enjoy being so crabby and so I am going to write 5 things that I was thankful for today.

1) That I finally found a research topic for class.
     This was stressing me out to the MAX. Thank you Dawnmarie and Jessica who talked me through it!
2) Time with my boyfriend.
     Believe it or not, sometimes you don't get to see your boyfriend in college! Today we got to just sit and just
TALK. It was so relaxing and I was genuinely thankful for the time I spent with him today.
3) That it wasn't raining today.
     I understand that the rain we had in the past 2 days was very much needed. I get it. But this Florida girl needs her sunshine, and one more day of rain might have made me go crazy. Just sayin'. I was thankful for the clouds that DIDN'T bring rain.
4) That I got to sleep in this morning. It was delicious. That's all I have to say.
5) That tomorrow is Thursday and the weekend is coming. Hallelujah.

Mi manchi l'italia...

Tonight I am missing the beautiful backdrop of Italy...

Tonight I miss--

....my room with no air conditioning, but the windows wide open with a cool breeze running through. 

....waking up in the morning and stepping out onto my balcony. 

....my teachers who were SO patient teaching me Italian.

...speaking Italian...ordering food...asking for directions...understanding new things...

...Centro and the cobblestone streets. 

...the guy playing his guitar every night at Ponte Vecchio. 

...walking everywhere. 

...creamy gelato. 

...REAL Italian pasta <3

...running into beautiful things. 

...singing in Italian. 

...my loving Italian friends that I had to leave behind.

...my American friends that I got close to in just 6 weeks. 

...the Italian sunset from my balcony.

...playing games with Italians. 

...kebabs. 

...pizza. 

...shopping in the COOP grocery store. 

...the hills of Tuscany. 

...the architecture. 

...the Duomo bells everyday. 

...Ponte Vecchio. 

...Piazza di Michaelangelo. 

...the smell of the kitchen. 

...Villa Aurora. 

...Italy. <3

Growing Up.

There is something in a kid’s body when they are about hmmmm let’s say a teenager, that just kicks into overdrive. When this gear is put into place, the engine explodes with raging hormones, flaring attitudes, and the strongest desire to grow up.

When we were little and our joints were growing we got growing pains in our knees and elbows. Sometimes we get stretch marks from our bodies growing too fast. Sometimes we have young faces. I know I always hear that I look younger than what I really am. When you are 45 years old and they tell you that you look young, that is an AMAZING compliment and it would surely make your day. But when you are 19 years old and someone says that you look 16? Not so cool.  

The raging hormones of the teenager fades and then you get an awkward 20, 21 year old, who is disgusted by their young sibling’s teenage behavior (because they are SO FAR past it) and instead trying to make sense of an organize a coming all too soon, future.

I have never got homesick, in all my years of going away, but I can’t make any promises about this year. Leaving home this summer will probably be the hardest one. Harder than all my years that I have left and went back to college. This summer is the hardest because this summer could be my last.

For all my ranting and raving about wanting to be independent and an adult, I don’t feel I’m ready. There are tons of “grown-up” tasks and duties that I wouldn’t have a clue how to tackle. It’s my senior year and unless I magically fail all over the place, then this year will be my last year in college and the next step is the real world.

I am twenty one years old, and in this moment I wish I could stay twenty one. I wanna stay a kid. (how immature, I know)

I feel like a selfish parent when they say “I just want you to stop growing”---well I do!! I don’t want my niece to keep getting taller every time I see her. I don’t want my brother to keep getting buff and start dating girls while I’m gone. I hate noticing that my parents look just a little bit older than they did before…

It’s a frustrating, heartbreaking, exciting, thing to grow up. Psh, and I’m not even all grown. There are friends my age who have apartments and husbands and kids. I don’t know how they did it. I’m sure they had some growing pains; I’m sure they have some stretch marks, as we all do.

We don’t stay the same. (And for those of you who do, get the hint, it’s time to grow up. Lol) We should always be growing, stretching, hurting, to be bigger, stronger, and better than we were before. Moving on and growing up is a big deal but thank God that it doesn’t happen in one night. 

Journey to America.

Well, coming home from Italy was quite an adventure---that I never want to live again!! It was AWFUL. My carry-on bag ended up being overweight and I had to pay for it to be checked onto the plane. Of course it had to be paid for in EUROS so when you turn that into American dollars it would make anyone wanna cry, so that’s what I did, cry. I tried to adjust my bags by making a huge mess on the floor right in front of the counter, but nothing worked. That Italian lady could have been a liiiiiitttle bit nicer about it, I mean, geez lady its 4am, did something crawl up your butt already? So fine, I had to go all the way back downstairs in an elevator with all my stuff to pay for my bag, still crying. It is then that I realize that I don’t have tons of money in my account because I haven’t been working (because I have been in ITALY) and I just might get an overdraft from these dang Europeans and their euros. Now I REALLY have a reason to cry. Lol I remember just begging God to get me home. I actually was perfectly fine with LEAVING Italy at that moment.

I got my carry-on checked onto the plane and forgot to take my laptop out so when I remembered, I prayed to God very hard for that not to be shattered into a million pieces either. Lol sigh, man this story is funnier now than when it was happening. I finally get on my plane and it was such a relief. When I got back to the states it was honestly funny to see so many people who seemed to be waiting for our arrival and anxious to help us (Italians are not into customer service). But then, only 2 hours away from home I got a FIVE hour delay because our plane had a little problem. PLEASE, do not try to fix the plane and put me back on it, order another plane. And so they did. lol I got home suuuuupper late, but my family was there waiting for me with a cheesy sign that looked like the Italian flag, welcoming me home.

After 19 hours of traveling I am home. I’m still very tempted to say “excuse me” in Italian and I honestly miss hearing Italian everyday. I’m teaching my siblings the small stuff and integrate what I can into my speech.

I’m kinda scared to look at my pictures though; I might miss it too much….

Ciao, Italia...

I never thought I would actually make it to Italy. The only time I have left the country was on a cruise to the Cayman Islands, and the only other traveling I have done has been just up and down the East Coast to visit family. I never thought I would actually make it to Italy. 

But I did. And I am so sentimental just thinking about the magical time I had there…

I worked hard and got the grades I wanted. But I played hard too, and had way too much fun doing it. 

I have tons of images saved from google images of Italy and the places that I only dreamed of going to, and this summer, many of them actually happened. I can't look at the hundreds of pictures I have enough!! There was no blood, but definitely lots of sweat (from the Italian heat & hard work) and there were actually some tears as well. But every cup of gelato, bite of pizza, minute downtown, 14 bus ride, hike, souvenir, you name it, and it was worth it.

EAT.

Julia Roberts sure had it right in the movie "Eat, Pray, Love." Italians LOVE to eat. 

I think Americans love to eat too, but Italians are serious about their food: the flavor, how it's served, how they eat it. It's a big deal, so much so, that in almost every gas station here in Italy, there is a restaurant attached. Because Italians don't believe in "fast food." They need to have a place where they can sit and eat and enjoy their food. Why do you think they take a 2 hour lunch break during the middle of their work day? To go home and to eat! NEVER in the United States. haha. 

So, this post will be dedicated to some of the delicious things I have eaten and helped cook while here in Italy. Let your eyes feast! And Buon appetito! 

I Nostri 'cuoco' (our cook), Filipo is amazing. I can laugh at Filipo and understand his humor even though he isn't very good at English and I'm not very good at Italian. Here he is giving us some instructions on making Tiramisu. The story of Tiramisu is rather long, but the actual word means to 'lift yourself up.' :) 

Here is Gnocchi and Pesto. I'm honestly not a huge fan of Italian pesto. Lol, I guess I would prefer the Italian-American kind I get back at home. The gnocchi was good though. I definitely need to try it when I get home. 

Unfortunately I don't have the time to write about every single thing I made or ate, but here is a collage of some things I got to have: Pizza, tiramisu chocolate, Kebabs (SSOOO GOOD!), Calzoni, Bruschetta, and another dessert that I forgot the name to. :( Sorry! 

(Excuse the small pictures; I was trying something new and I think I don't like it. Bear with me!) 

A Not So Happy Countdown to Go Home.

5 days until I go home

13 days till I’m back at school

26 days till I start my senior year

I am not ready for these things to happen quickly at all.
And I can honestly say that I do not want to leave Italy.

I will forever curse the Italians for polluting my lungs with their horrid habit of smoking, but other than that, I can’t complain much. Yes, it’s a little hot. Yes they don’t put ice in your drinks. Yes euro’s are a pain in the butt when you think about the American dollar. Yes, it’s a lot of walking if you aren’t use to it. Yes, the Italian men can be rather obnoxious.

But, I’ve learned to live, just for a small part of time, in peace with the Italians in Italy…and I love it. Yes I guess you could say that 6 weeks is still considered part of the “honeymoon phase” and maybe it is, but regardless, I don’t wanna go. L 

Can you blame me though? 

Loser Like Me.

I have never been the super popular girl. But I don’t think I have ever been super nerdy…okay I try my best to hide my obsession with getting A’s and show tunes, but I have always felt that my grounds lie in a comfortable middle ground. Until just now. Yup. I finally felt it. Like the true goodie tooshooes. The home body. The girl who follows the rules.

I swam in the exact opposite of everyone else. And it SUCKED. Not because I had an actual desire to follow everyone (and I’m grateful for that. I saved myself tons of embarrassment and a lifetime of guilt) but because I was alone. I love me some alone time, but on a Saturday night? And in Italy? NOBODY wants to be alone on a Saturday night in Italy.

So I hid in a room at the top of the villa, cried a little bit and skyped my family. While I was complaining about being alone, someone wandered up there. She said she was just curious about where the stairwell went….but I don’t think it was pure coincidence. I think God put each of us there to keep each other company that night. J We talked and hung out and realized that we had a lot in common. So turns out that I wasn’t the only loser that night.

And then I remembered one of my favorite songs from Glee (I warned that I was a bit of a nerd), Loser Like Me:

Yeah you may think that I'm a zero

But her, everyone you wanna be 

Probably started off like me 

You may think that I'm a freak show 

But hey, give it just a little time

I bet you're gonna change your mind 

Go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth

So everyone can hear

Hit me with the words you got and knock me down

Baby I don't care

Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out 

You wanna be 

A loser like me 

I just hope that I am always that loser, crazy as it sounds. I'm going to fall and make mistakes all over the place. And that's why I think it's so funny when I get labeled as such a "good girl." We may not make the same mistakes...but I've got my share. And sometimes, I know that I'm GOING to follow the crowd and need to be a real loser to learn from my mistakes. That's the honest truth. In which case someone else will be singing this song about me. hahaa.....

But-- God takes us all back. No matter what crowd we followed, as long as we ultimately follow Him. And for that, I am so grateful. 

Nobody ever talked smack to my face or made me feel bad for going my own way, but I still felt the heat and tension while pushing past others to go the opposite direction. So I felt like a bit of a loser. But hey, you wanna be a loser like me.  

A Word or Two about Rome.

A word or two about Rome:

Let me just say that it is crazy to just be walking down a regular street and find the Colosseum or the Pantheon or the Trevi Fountain at the end of the block. Or to be walking in a plaza and have someone tell you that it used to be used for naval battles. NAVAL BATTLES, PEOPLE! lol It was just so insane for me! I felt like I was walking through one of my favorite Disney movies, Hercules. J I think I would need to visit every amazing place at least a dozen times before I realized where I was and how monumental it was—it was that surreal!

Everything was massive. But it was all so perfectly detailed, down to the statues on the top of the building that nobody would ever see up close. lol

I just wanted to sit and bask in all the beautiful architecture.

I need to start planning my next trip to Italy. 

Happy Half-Birthday!

Today is my half birthday! And it’s entirely unimportant and I don’t ever celebrate it and I won’t start today so don’t worry. BUT, I do plan on enjoying my day to the fullest. J

And since it IS my half-birthday I should reflect on the things that I have and haven't kept up with concerning my little year-plan. 

January- Make a list everyday of 5 things I was thankful for. 

I stuck to it!!! And let me tell you that some days it was hard, but it definitely got me through. I occasionally read through some of the things I was thankful for too. :) 

February- Make a new habit in 27 days and work out! 

Okay, okay. I only logged 9 days when I deliberately and purposely worked out. But hey, 9 days is better than none! Still should have pushed it over to 10 at least though. psh. FAIL. 

March- Take a picture of something beautiful everyday and scrapbook it. 

This one I can justify even though there are only two pictures in my folder. haha I take pictures ALL THE TIME. Of the beautiful people, the beautiful scenery, food, everything! So I think for all the other occasions in which I take pictures I can let myself go easy on this one.  

April- Make a list of 3 impossible things to do everyday. 

Didn't happen. Honestly? I don't even know where to start with those! :( 

May- Cook something different every week. 

Okay now this blog looks like I'm celebrating my failures...

June- Write letters. 

I think I wrote like 5. One a week. Hey that's pretty good!

July

I never had anything for July! Hahah So I think being in Italy covers that month. ;) 

So on my half-birthday I clearly am not keeping up with my own yearly plan. Being 21 is halfway done!!!!! How depressing!!! Shoot. Okay I need to get back on this wagon! I may consider re-looking at my goals for the next couple of months and making revisions, but we'll see. 

I am a little depressed that after like the first 2 months I was not keeping up with myself, but self-reflection has to be a good thing. And I'll take the reflecting a step further and do something about. 

Yes. :) 

Intoxicating Beauty

Italy may or may not be one of the first places that comes to your mind when prompted to think of beautiful places. But I know that after this experience, it will be for me. 

I love the tightly clustered buildings on the coast of Cinque Terre, that always find room for beautifully potted plants and a bright Italian flag. 

The gray/blue waves that crash up against the mighty cliff is scary and beautiful at the same time. 

The gentle roll of the hill and seeing the rows and rows of olive trees, or sweet green grapes up the slope of the mountain is so peaceful. 

I love the gold sunset that just outlines every inch of the Tuscan hills, kissing them a sweet goodnight. 

I love every cream colored house and green shutter. I want a iron balcony covered in vines and bright flowers. 

Most of all, silly as it sounds, I love the wind. Something about the constant breeze here in Firenze is just magical to me. It just takes my breath away for a second and I look and really, really try to absorb my surroundings, whenever I feel that breeze (which is quite often). I close my eyes and wish I could drink in all this beauty. If I were crazy I would bottle it in a jar and take it with me. But, maybe this place is so special because I can't see it and take it everywhere with me. 

But man. This is some intoxicating beauty. 

Ceramics and Cooking Made My Day. Period.

I had SO MUCH FUN TODAY! I seriously cannot expressed how STOKED I was to start my ceramics and cooking classes today.

First of all, having an art class in Italy, the art capital of the WORLD, just takes my breath away. I was so giddy. Our art teacher doesn't speak a lick of english....I lied...she speaks 2 words. "Looka" and "doll" Whenever she wanted our attention she would say "Looka! Looka! Looka!" And one time she held up a picture of a doll and said "Looka, doll, doll!" She was just hilarious. Her room was nicely disorganized and filled with art, just the way an art room should be :). She spoke to us in Italian and looked us in the eye as if we could understand what she was saying. hahaha I loved getting my hands dirty in the clay and understanding a word here or there. For a moment I stood at the window to look at the Tuscan hills and Italian blue sky that never seems to have a cloud, and thought about how lucky I was. I was so happy at that moment. <3 We molded red clay today. I carved out the shape of Italia, to be a memory for me when I go home. I can't wait to paint it next week! :)

Cooking class was just as incredible! The cook was another character. Who said "brava" with sarcasm, letting us know that we are still learning and have room for improvement. hahaa We watched him make formaggio---CHEESE! Ricotta cheese to be exact. It was actually pretty simple and really fun to watch. Then we got to get our own hands dirty and make Cannoli's!!!!! I squealed! We watched him make the dough and knead it till a sweet smell overtook the kitchen. (It was the white wine he used, lol) We got our little round sticks that look like miniature rolling pins and starting rolling our cannoli's! My first one wasn't very good. haha but the next ones were better. We put them in the deep frier and took them out. The left-over pieces of dough are also put in the deep frier and they come out as little strips. The cook sprinkled powered sugar on them to make a tasty treat. He told us that they are called "chit chats" or "little lies" (i wish i could remember how to say it in italian). The Italians call them that because people sit around the table and talk about each other while eating those. :) hahah Over the next few weeks we get to make gnocci's, pizza, tiramisu, and something else, I forgot.

I am THRILLED! Italy is beautiful to see but even more beautiful to experience. I LOVE art and so getting into it today was just the perfect medicine for my soul, and made my trip thus far. And getting in an Italian Kitchen? Who DOESN'T wanna do that?!

:)

It's been 3 days in Italy

I have been in Italy for 3 days, 

and I have had gelato 2 times, 

and been to Il Centro 3 times. 

I have walked a million miles. No really, like a million miles. 

Okay fine, at least 20 miles. At LEAST. 

I have talked to Italians...in ITALIAN :) 

I got over looking awkward in the security booths in airports, got adjusted to the time change, and have completely unpacked. Tomorrow is my first day of class and I am ready to roll! I'm not fluent in Spanish but I do think that I catch on quick and so I hope that learning Italian will be fun, challenging, but fun.

I still really do wish that I came to Italy with people that I love and that love me. Not that I won't meet amazing people, because I already have, but just that there is something special about being able to experience things TOGETHER. I want my friends and family to be able to be here with me and share my experiences! That part has to be the hardest part so far about this trip. It's hard because I'm not "besties" with anyone here. I'm new to everyone. And vice versa....well, for the most part. So I wish I could just vent to someone that's HERE. Anywhooooooooooo....

I'm going to munch. OH munch! Hahahahah these Italians are CRAZY with their food! They eat soooo much carbs; if you think you are Italian in america, try being Italian in Italy. haha They served a thick slice of mozzarella cheese that was breaded and deep fried as a side dish the other night. Cheese, breaded, AND deep fried. Mamma Mia!

Oh and they smoke. It's so gross. Really? Can you puff your smoke NOT in my face? Grazie.

And they walk. Leave the cute shoes at home ladies, unless you are Italian (cause the Italian women wear HEELS in town). I made the mistake of leaving my sneakers at home and my feet hate my guts. We walk so much. No wonder the Italians stay in shape, they walk!

Ciao for now. <3

There is no place like home.

I made it to Florence, Italy! Hurray! Now if my body and mind will only cooperate with what I know my soul is feeling...hahahaha allow me to explain; jet lag.

I boarded the plane a bundle of anxious nerves, squeezing the mess out of a plush miniature football my brother gave to me and trying not to look like a lost puppy. I yawned big, chewed my gum hard, and squeezed that football like there was no tomorrow, and amazingly enough, no ear pain! Not one ounce, PRAISE THE LORD! But (because there is always a but), I HATE flying alone.

My natural character as it is has a bit of anxiousness to it, so I don't need the help of a cross country trip to make me any more of a crazy person. I was on the brink of tears and even shed some just a few times, yes I know I am a baby. I just NEED someone to hold, and touch, and squeeze, and squeal to through the whole process. SO....I hated that. Gross.

Next....I can NOT believe that I am in Italy! WOW! Really?!? It just feels like a super beautiful place and that I can still reach my loved ones so easily, but, I can't. This sounds really sad huh? Lol, I should be rejoicing that I am in Italy and instead I'm writing all this junk.

The unknown is scary. And all these girls are so so sweet. Every single one of them, and I am grateful for that. The place is beautiful. I believe that I will have an amazing time. But (because there is always a but)...there is just no place like home. Whether that home is split because of college or whether it feels like home because your special someone is around....the feeling of home is priceless. I personally don't care for the physical home I have. But I love the people that make it up. And I love the extended ones that make up my family. My  extra brothers and sisters, and of course my dear boyfriend.

I wish all those people could be here with me! Maybe that's why it sucked so bad on the plane because instead of being excited and being able to share that I had to hold it in and be scared. I am NOT looking forward to riding in that plane again for the ride home....but the people on the other side of it are so worth it.

And so is Italy. :)

Cowardly Lion.

"What do they got that I ain't got?.....Courage. You can say that again"  

--- Cowardly Lion, Wizard of Oz

I am boarding a plane to Italy in about a week to enjoy 6 weeks of Italian sun, authentic gelato, breath-taking landscapes, delicious food, and the world of art. But guess who is scared out of their mind; me. Why am I scared? This place is going to be incredibly amazing and I know I will walk away wishing that I didn't have to, but for now, I'm scared. And I'm embracing it (hopefully not too much).

I'm afraid because I have never flown alone, much less fly at all due to my own mother's personal fear of flying. Therefore I am afraid of looking like a deer in headlights at every stop from here to Italy. Secondly, I am afraid of making new friends. Let's be honest, it's not like being in kindergarten again. People look and judge and make first impressions (at least I do). And so I'm just nervous about being vulnerable and putting myself out there for other people to get to know. And there are some other ridiculous things I am afraid of.

Maybe I don't really lack courage like the cowardly lion, maybe I just lack...i don't know, adventure? Maybe it's just the fear of the unknown that's eating me alive and that will have me self-soothing in the plane. lol There is something that we all feel like we lack a little. But the truth is the quote should go something more like this:

"What do they got that I ain't got? .....Nothing. You can say that again." 

So maybe its not courage or adventure...maybe you have enough of that or wish you could turn it down a little. But you have got everything in you that you need to live the incredible life you wish you lived. God made us that way. :) Just jump into that new experience and give it all you got. After all, this blog is about being more muchier. Go ahead. Get your muchness on.

You can say that again. :)

A New Month

So today is the 20th and that means a new challenge for me. The last challenge was....well....challenging. Working out is not fun for me in any way, shape, or form, and I of course may lack shape and form because of that...but anyways, this is a new month, and I am actually very excited about it.

This challenge is for me to take a picture of something I find beautiful every day. I'll try to post them daily so I don't have to play catch up and keep you waiting.

Oh and I'll post a log of how I did last month, it wasn't too hot, but any progress is better than none.
Ready, set, go!

Little Beautiful Things.

I drink these colors up! It's feels young, fresh, and romantic all at the same time.

An old-style bicycle I saw this morning. 

I absolutely loved this dress!

Fun ring!

A real hand-painted mask from Italy. <3

Happy smiles by the fountain after all those fun things :) 

A Little Bit of Magic.

When you are very little you think your daddy is all powerful and that it is magical to be a princess. When you are a little older you dream of love, and experience it. And it becomes the most magical thing ever. When you are even older, dreams of traveling the world and the most perfect wedding are intoxicating....mmmmm.... :)
Yes, if you are a girl, you have done it, don't hide. ;]

All these things are indeed magical....but they do fade...hopefully not love, but let's not go there. What I mean is that none of these things last. Stand the test of time.

But I propose that there is something that's magical and lasts forever. 

YOU. 

You will not physically last forever, so essentially, forever is right now. The life you have been given.

The things you have to say, contribute, accomplish...they can only be done by you.
Not a soul on this earth can tell you EXACTLY what something will feel like, look like, sound like....because they have a heart and mind of their own. All they can do is give you the best description possible from their own amazing hearts.

But you've got your own. So experience everything you need to. Nobody else can live your life. It just won't be the same. The magic in life is that only you can be you. Yeah I know, everyone can say the same...but it's YOU. The individual God created himself. Give yourself some more credit. :)

There is something you have to offer that this world is thirsty for. 

What are you waiting for? 

I know, I know....I'm the first one that needs to practice what I preach.
Ready, set, go.

Frustration.

I slaved on a banner for this blog. For 2 1/2 hours. Did it work? Of course not. Hence another background because honestly I can't find something that makes me happy. And when I tried to design one of my own it was too big, too little, didn't center, or just hated my guts in general.
I pray on someone who can do magic on my blog and make it glorious.
The end.

I stink at this game.

So watch the one thats at the bottom first and then the top one cause thats the order they were recorded in. But honestly? If you didn't it probably won't make a difference and my feelings won't be hurt. 

I just chose to do a video blog to switch things up a little. Oh yeah, and I stink at this game. 

Decisions, Decisions.

The big purse or the clutch?

The pointed or squared shoes?

The silver or red top?
This school or that?
This party or that one?

Let's face it. Decisions are hard to make in the first place (At least for me) but wait till you have to pick between two or three amazing options and only pick one. Now THAT is the pits.

When I'm in the store and I have to pick between 2 colors or 2 styles, if I feel greedy and obnoxiously foolish I'll just buy both. But there are many times in life when we can't just 'pick both'....it's got to be one or the other. But sometimes decisions are huge, life-changing. It's way more than picking a color. It affects when we graduate, the experiences we have, the people we meet, the way we view the world around us. Sometimes, it's a BIG deal.

Of course it would suuuper nice to have neon signs in the sky or maybe even those real angels on your shoulders to at least help you sort your thoughts. Unfortunately, our fairy god mothers don't come in bubbles to lead us, or in pumpkin carriages to take us away.

Maybe it's a good thing that some decisions are hard to make. It helps us choose who we want to be and get the chance to change who we might have been. Besides, a pumpkin carriage would rot after a while....

Sometimes I guess there isn't a right or wrong decision. You just have to be able to live with it. And I guess in that case it takes some faith to know that God will lead and help make the best of the decision you choose, unless of course it's reckless...in which case...well, obviously we live with our consequences, but you know what? God is gracious to us--even then.

You've Got the Nerves.

This week I had to teach a lesson in the classroom, 

Audition for a part in a pageant play, 

and interview for a job next fall. 

(well the interview thing is in about an hour)

And let me tell you....I've got nerves. 

For me, my nerves show in sweaty palms, that wonderful feeling of nausea, and frequent visits to the restroom. I cannot think or make important decisions, like what to wear, when I am nervous. The MINUTE I saw that I had an interview today, my stomach did an Olympic games flip, worthy of the gold medal I assure you. 
Sometimes I forget to breathe and I find myself doing these nervous quirky things like play with the lose string I managed to find on my shirt, or folding a paper up a trillion and one times. But in my moment-full (and week-FULL) event of being nervous I find myself turning to God. And this is what He says: 

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell Me what you need, and thank Me for all I have done for you". --Philippians 4:6,7

(Paraphrase by myself) 

Be thankful for what He has done....which should be easy since this is my month for being thankful. :) Score. Well, I'm thankful for this opportunity--for these MANY opportunities. I have the chance to go to school and have an amazing career lined up. I have talent that allows me to be in front of people and share my story through drama and acting. And now, I have this chance to be a leader and have another job for next school year. 

Thank you Lord, for what you have done. 

I've got the nerves. You got the nerves. What will you choose to do with them? 

Dance to your Dreams

"Hey you, what’s a good girl like you
Doin’ in this crazy world, where’s the good gone girl?
Dance, dance to the life you wanted when you were only seventeen, with a good girl dream." --MIKA, Good Gone Girl

I love dancing. Sometimes I don’t think I’m very good at it, and other times I feel like I catch on very quickly, but I love dance in nearly every form. It’s refreshing, exciting….I’m a stinker for those dance movies (you know the ones that make you wanna be a dance afterwards?) and I love going to dance class any time that I can.

But what kind of life did I want when I was 17 before I commit to dancing to it?

All I can remember is that I was dating my first boyfriend and that I was a junior in high school. I don’t really remember any dreams or ambitions I had during that time. Nothing that seems worthy enough to make a life dancing playlist for.

However, I don’t think that means that I don’t have a reason to dance. Believe me, my head is filled with enough dreams.

But I’m a little scared to dance. For all the love I have of dancing, I’m always a little nervous and scared, especially to try something new, that I am not sure I can master.

I’m scared to dance to my dreams. They are kinda wild. Kinda ambitious. They seem much safer inside my head. I mostly don’t believe these dreams belong to me. The music of my dreams is a tune I’m scared to dance to: I’m too shy and reserved to want to save people in Malawi or to want to travel to travel the world alone. I don’t think I’m actually a good enough painter, or actor, singer, artist, the list goes on and on. What if I try those dreams out and look like a fool? What if I try dancing and I trip and fall?

So what do I do with music that awakens my heart and stirs me to dance? What do I do with dreams that make me thirst for adventure and go?

I wonder what I’m doing in this crazy world. But I know that I want to dance to the life I want before it’s over. 

These are a few of my favorite things.

A few days ago I lost my little pages that I had been recording the things I am thankful for everyday....and I assure you that I was furious and almost a little bit crazy. But then I found the pages, and all was well once again. 


But I kinda chuckled at myself. Like "Whoa Rachel, just chill out. Why are those little pages so important anyways?" Why were they so important? Anywho, I found my little pages and I thought I'd share a few of my favorite things that I have been thankful for: 

Good discussion with an unexpected friend.

I love that girl. And we had the most perfect talk at the most perfect time. And I was way thankful for that. :) 

Productive days. 

I actually have been thankful for that in some sort of way several times, so I feel like thats important to me. To be efficient and successful in a day is a wonderful thing. 

Music. 

Thus far in my life I never felt like music was in my veins like a lot of musically inclined people. But for some reason, it has played a huge part in my life recently. And I love it. 

Tears.  

I was thankful for tears. I know, so lame. But seriously, it is healthy to cry every once in a while. I saw someone close to me cry and it was a really tender moment. And I'm thankful I was able to share it with them.

Professors and Mentors. 

These were actually two different people and on two different days, but boy was I thankful for them. One of them helped me sort my life and tell me that I am graduating in Ma 2012!! And the other person really just calmed my fears and gave me new strength. 

Also, I made a journal! I was so excited about it! It's called a Coptic Stitch journal and its really B.A. When I get a free minute I will transfer all the things I was thankful for into that book (because now they are on like napkins, receipts, and basically any random piece of paper I can find). 

Here it is!!!!!!!!!! It was really time consuming but I loved every minute of it. Here are the instructions I used to make it. 

http://www.booklyn.org/education/coptic.pdf

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today went well...

I laughed a lot, cried a little, was very productive, and felt lots of love--JUST the way it should be. :) 

I was surprised today at what I was thankful for. The people on my list aren't necessarily people that I would expect to be thankful for. But in some way, today, they went out of their way to add an ounce of magic into my birth day. :) 

So maybe I should look deeper into these people....we may have more people invested in us than we think...

Twenty and One Forever.

Twenty-One Years Old Resolution: Be the Best that I can be.

And be much more muchier.

I'm a sucker for quotes. And Dreams. And Art. But I'm a huge sucker for quotes. So naturally, Johnny Depp drew me in with this from "Alice in Wonderland"....

"You used to be much more muchier. You've lost your muchness"

- Mad Hatter to Alice. 

Basically, Mad Hatter is saying "What in the world happened to you?! You used to be so intriguing and full of life!" And so this year, I am in finding my muchness. Because I have become a little too efficient, a little too busy, a little too boring. I am finding my muchness in a year-long resolution.
I have never been a fan of new years resolutions--to cliche....I guess. But anywho, I decided to do a sort of year-long resolution for my 21st year of life. Every month I have decided to challenge myself. Some things are just things that I love; and a part of being muchier is living your life richly. And other things are healthy, interesting, or, just plain soul-healthy. I'm doing this because I really want to enjoy the world, the people, and beautiful things in my life. I don't want to let it keep passing me by. 

January: Make a list of 5 things I am thankful for
February: Make a new habit (27 days!): Work out for a month!

March: Take a picture of something every day & scrapbook on it.

April: Make a list of 3 impossible things every day before breakfast

May: Cook something different every week for a month

June: Write letters

July: I NEED SOMETHING FOR JULY! GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS!!!

August: Don’t eat out & no fast food

September: Don’t buy any clothes

October: Listen to a new song every day for a month

November: Volunteer!!

December: Learn a new word in the dictionary for a month

So today, on my 21st birthday, I am starting a blog. 

Bring on the muchness. 

And cheers to being Twenty and One Forever. :)